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  She found out where I lived; let's see if I can return the favor.

  Tess went back to her computer, this time searching for a Books & Brown Baggers website. She was quite sure she'd find one--everybody had websites these days, there were prisoners doing life for murder who had websites--and she did. The Brown Baggers posted newsy notes about their members, book reviews, and informal summaries--not quite minutes--of their meetings. Tess chose the latter and began scrolling. It did not take her long to discover that the June 10 meeting had been held at Ramona Norville's home in Brewster. Tess had never been to this town, but knew where it was, had passed a green turnpike sign pointing to it while on her way to yesterday's gig. It was only two or three exits south of Chicopee.

  Next she went to the Brewster Township tax records and scrolled down until she found Ramona's name. She had paid $913.06 in property taxes the year before; said property at 75 Lacemaker Lane.

  "Found you, dear," Tess murmured.

  "You need to think about how you're going to handle this," Fritzy said. "And about how far you're willing to go."

  "If I'm right," Tess said, "maybe quite far."

  She started to turn off her computer, then thought of one more thing worth checking out, although she knew it might come to nothing. She went to the Weekly Reminder 's home page and clicked on OBITUARIES. There was a place to enter the name you were interested in, and Tess typed STREHLKE. There was a single hit, for a man named Roscoe Strehlke. According to the 1999 obit, he had died suddenly in his home, at the age of forty-eight. Survived by his wife, Ramona, and two sons: Alvin (23) and Lester (17). For a mystery writer, even of the bloodless sort known as "cozies," died suddenly was a red flag. She searched the Reminder 's general database and found nothing more.

  She sat still for a moment, drumming her fingers restlessly against the arms of her chair as she did when she was working and found herself stuck for a word, a phrase, or a way of describing something. Then she looked for a list of newspapers in western and southern Massachusetts, and found the Springfield Republican. When she typed the name of Ramona Norville's husband, the headline that came up was stark and to the point: CHICOPEE BUSINESSMAN COMMITS SUICIDE.

  Strehlke had been discovered in his garage, hanging from a rafter. There was no note and Ramona wasn't quoted, but a neighbor said that Mr. Strehlke had been distraught over "some trouble his older boy had been in."

  "What kind of trouble was Al in that got you so upset?" Tess asked the computer screen. "Was it something to do with a girl? Assault, maybe? Sexual battery? Was he working up to bigger things, even then? If that's why you hung yourself, you were one chickenshit daddy."

  "Maybe Roscoe had help," Fritzy said. "From Ramona. Big strong woman, you know. You ought to know; you saw her."

  Again, that didn't sound like the voice she made when she was essentially talking to herself. She looked at Fritzy, startled. Fritzy looked back: green eyes asking who, me?

  What Tess wanted to do was drive directly to Lacemaker Lane with her gun in her purse. What she ought to do was stop playing detective and call the police. Let them handle it. It was what the Old Tess would have done, but she was no longer that woman. That woman now seemed to her like a distant relative, the kind you sent a card to at Christmas and forgot for the rest of the year.

  Because she couldn't decide--and because she hurt all over--she went upstairs and back to bed. She slept for four hours and got up almost too stiff to walk. She took two extra-strength Tylenol, waited until they improved matters, then drove down to Blockbuster video. She carried the Lemon Squeezer in her purse. She thought she would always carry it now while she was riding alone.

  She got to Blockbuster just before closing and asked for a Jodie Foster movie called The Courageous Woman. The clerk (who had green hair, a safety pin in one ear, and looked all of eighteen years old) smiled indulgently and told her the film was actually called The Brave One. Mr. Retro Punk told her that for an extra fifty cents, she could get a bag of microwave popcorn to go with. Tess almost said no, then reconsidered. "Why the fuck not?" she asked Mr. Retro Punk. "You only live once, right?"

  He gave her a startled, reconsidering look, then smiled and agreed that it was a case of one life to a customer.

  At home, she popped the corn, inserted the DVD, and plopped onto the couch with a pillow at the small of her back to cushion the scrape there. Fritzy joined her and they watched Jodie Foster go after the men (the punks, as in do you feel lucky, punk) who had killed her boyfriend. Foster got assorted other punks along the way, and used a pistol to do it. The Brave One was very much that kind of a movie, but Tess enjoyed it just the same. She thought it made perfect sense. She also thought that she had been missing something all these years: the low but authentic catharsis movies like The Brave One offered. When it was over, she turned to Fritzy and said, "I wish Richard Widmark had met Jodie Foster instead of the old lady in the wheelchair, don't you?"

  Fritzy agreed one thousand percent.

  - 30 -

  Lying in bed that night with an October wind getting up to dickens around the house and Fritzy beside her, curled up nose to tail, Tess made an agreement with herself: if she woke up tomorrow feeling as she did now, she would go to see Ramona Norville, and perhaps after Ramona--depending on how things turned out on Lacemaker Lane--she would pay a visit to Alvin "Big Driver" Strehlke. More likely she'd wake up with some semblance of sanity restored and call the police. No anonymous call, either; she'd face the music and dance. Proving actual rape forty hours and God knew how many showers after the fact might be difficult, but the signs of sexual battery were written all over her body.

  And the women in the pipe: she was their advocate, like it or not.

  Tomorrow all these revenge ideas will seem silly to me. Like the kind of delusions people have when they're sick with a high fever.

  But when she woke up on Sunday, she was still in full New Tess mode. She looked at the gun on the night table and thought, I want to use it. I want to take care of this myself, and given what I've been through, I deserve to take care of it myself.

  "But I need to make sure, and I don't want to get caught," she said to Fritzy, who was now on his feet and stretching, getting ready for another exhausting day of lying around and snacking from his bowl.

  Tess showered, dressed, then took a yellow legal pad out to the sun-porch. She stared at her back lawn for almost fifteen minutes, occasionally sipping at a cooling cup of tea. Finally she wrote DON'T GET CAUGHT at the top of the first sheet. She considered this soberly, and then began making notes. As with each day's work when she was writing a book, she started slowly, but picked up speed.

  - 31 -

  By ten o'clock she was ravenous. She cooked herself a huge brunch and ate every bite. Then she took her movie back to Blockbuster and asked if they had Kiss of Death. They didn't, but after ten minutes of browsing, she settled on a substitute called Last House on the Left. She took it home and watched closely. In the movie, men raped a young girl and left her for dead. It was so much like what had happened to her that Tess burst into tears, crying so loudly that Fritzy ran from the room. But she stuck with it and was rewarded with a happy ending: the parents of the young girl murdered the rapists.

  She returned the disc to its case, which she left on the table in the hall. She would return it tomorrow, if she were still alive tomorrow. She planned to be, but nothing was certain; there were many strange twists and devious turns as one hopped down the overgrown bunny-trail of life. Tess had found this out for herself.

  With time to kill--the daylight hours seemed to move so slowly--she went back online, searching for information about the trouble Al Strehlke had been in before his father committed suicide. She found nothing. Possibly the neighbor was full of shit (neighbors so often were), but Tess could think of another scenario: the trouble might have occurred while Strehlke was still a minor. In cases like that, names weren't released to the press and the court records (assuming the case had even gone to court)
were sealed.

  "But maybe he got worse," she told Fritzy.

  "Those guys often do get worse," Fritzy agreed. (This was rare; Tom was usually the agreeable one. Fritzy's role tended to be devil's advocate.)

  "Then, a few years later, something else happened. Something worse. Say Mom helped him to cover it up--"

  "Don't forget the younger brother," Fritzy said. "Lester. He might have been in on it, too."

  "Don't confuse me with too many characters, Fritz. All I know is that Al Fucking Big Driver raped me, and his mother may have been an accessory. That's enough for me."

  "Maybe Ramona's his aunt," Fritzy speculated.

  "Oh, shut up," Tess said, and Fritzy did.

  - 32 -

  She lay down at four o'clock, not expecting to sleep a wink, but her healing body had its own priorities. She went under almost instantly, and when she woke to the insistent dah-dah-dah of her bedside clock, she was glad she had set the alarm. Outside, a gusty October breeze was combing leaves from the trees and sending them across her backyard in colorful skitters. The light had gone that strange and depthless gold which seems the exclusive property of late-fall afternoons in New England.

  Her nose was better--the pain there down to a dull throb--but her throat was still sore and she hobbled rather than walked to the bathroom. She got into the shower and stayed in the stall until the bathroom was as foggy as an English moor in a Sherlock Holmes story. The shower helped. A couple of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet would help even more.

  She dried her hair, then swiped a clear place on the mirror. The woman in the glass looked back from eyes haunted by rage and sanity. The glass didn't stay clear for long, but it was long enough for Tess to realize that she really meant to do this, no matter the consequences.

  She dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and black cargo pants with big flap pockets. She tied her hair up in a bun and then yanked on a big black gimme cap. The bun made the cap bulge a little behind, but at least no potential witness would be able to say, I didn't get a good look at her face, but she had long blond hair. It was tied back in one of those scrunchie things. You know, the kind you can buy at JCPenney.

  She went down to the basement where her kayak had been stored since Labor Day and took the reel of yellow boat-line from the shelf above it. She used the hedge clippers to cut off four feet, wound it around her forearm, then slipped the coil into one of her big pants pockets. Upstairs again in the kitchen, she tucked her Swiss Army knife into the same pocket--the left. The right pocket was for the Lemon Squeezer .38... and one other item, which she took from the drawer next to the stove. Then she spooned out double rations for Fritzy, but before she let him start eating, she hugged him and kissed the top of his head. The old cat flattened his ears (more in surprise than distaste, probably; she wasn't ordinarily a kissy mistress) and hurried to his dish as soon as she put him down.

  "Make that last," Tess told him. "Patsy will check on you eventually if I don't come back, but it could be a couple of days." She smiled a little and added, "I love you, you scruffy old thing."

  "Right, right," Fritzy said, then got busy eating.

  Tess checked her DON'T GET CAUGHT memo one more time, mentally inventorying her supplies as she did so and going over the steps she intended to take once she got to Lacemaker Lane. She thought the most important thing to keep in mind was that things wouldn't go as she hoped they would. When it came to things like this, there were always jokers in the deck. Ramona might not be at home. Or she might be home but with her rapist-murderer son, the two of them cozied up in the living room and watching something uplifting from Blockbuster. Saw, maybe. The younger brother--no doubt known in Colewich as Little Driver--might be there, as well. For all Tess knew, Ramona might be hosting a Tupperware party or a reading circle tonight. The important thing was not to get flummoxed by unexpected developments. If she couldn't improvise, Tess thought it very likely that she really was leaving her house in Stoke Village for the last time.

  She burned the DON'T GET CAUGHT memo in the fireplace, stirred the ashes apart with the poker, then put on her leather jacket and a pair of thin leather gloves. The jacket had a deep pocket in the lining. Tess slipped one of her butcher knives into it, just for good luck, then told herself not to forget it was there. The last thing she needed this weekend was an accidental mastectomy.

  Just before stepping out the door, she set the burglar alarm.

  The wind surrounded her immediately, flapping the collar of her jacket and the legs of her cargo pants. Leaves swirled in mini-cyclones. In the not-quite-dark sky above her tasteful little piece of Connecticut suburbia, clouds scudded across the face of a three-quarter moon. Tess thought it was a fine night for a horror movie.

  She got into her Expedition and closed the door. A leaf spun down on the windshield, then dashed away. "I've lost my mind," she said matter-of-factly. "It fell out and died in that culvert, or when I was walking around the store. It's the only explanation for this."

  She started the engine. Tom the Tomtom lit up and said, "Hello, Tess. I see we're taking a trip."

  "That's right, my friend." Tess leaned forward and programmed 75 Lacemaker Lane into Tom's tidy little mechanical head.

  - 33 -

  She had checked out Ramona's neighborhood on Google Earth, and it looked the same when she got there. So far, so good. Brewster was a small New England town, Lacemaker Lane was on the outskirts, and the houses were far apart. Tess cruised past number 75 at a sedately suburban twenty miles an hour, determining that the lights were on and only a single car--a late-model Subaru that almost screamed librarian--was in the driveway. There was no sign of a cab-over Pete or any other big rig. No old Bondo-patched pickup, either.

  The street ended in a turnaround. Tess took it, came back, and turned into Norville's driveway without giving herself a chance to hesitate. She killed the lights and the motor, then took a long, deep breath.

  "Come back safe, Tess," Tom said from his place on the dashboard. "Come back safe and I'll take you to your next stop."

  "I'll do my best." She grabbed her yellow legal pad (there was now nothing written on it) and got out of her car. She held the pad to the front of her jacket as she walked to Ramona Norville's door. Her moonshadow--perhaps all that was left of the Old Tess--walked beside her.

  - 34 -

  Norville's front door had beveled glass strips on either side. They were thick and warped the view, but Tess could make out nice wallpaper and a hallway floored with polished wood. There was an end table with a couple of magazines on it. Or maybe they were catalogues. There was a big room at the end of the hall. The sound of a TV came from there. She heard singing, so Ramona probably wasn't watching Saw. In fact--if Tess was right and the song was "Climb Ev'ry Mountain"--Ramona was watching The Sound of Music.

  Tess rang the doorbell. From inside came a run of chimes that sounded like the opening notes of "Dixie"--a strange choice for New England, but then, if Tess was right about her, Ramona Norville was a strange woman.

  Tess heard the clump of big feet and made a half-turn, so the light from the beveled glass would catch only a bit of her face. She lowered her blank pad from her chest and made writing motions with one gloved hand. She let her shoulders slump a little. She was a woman taking some kind of survey. It was Sunday evening, she was tired, all she wanted was to discover the name of this woman's favorite toothpaste (or maybe if she had Prince Albert in a can) and then go home.

  Don't worry, Ramona, you can open the door, anybody can see that I'm harmless, the kind of woman who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

  From the corner of her eye she glimpsed a distorted fish-face swim into view behind the beveled glass. There was a pause that seemed to last a very long time, then Ramona Norville opened the door. "Yes? Can I help y--"

  Tess turned back. The light from the open door fell on her face. And the shock she saw on Norville's face, the utter drop-jaw shock, told her everything she needed to know.

  "You? What are yo
u doing h--"

  Tess pulled the Lemon Squeezer .38 from her right front pocket. On the drive from Stoke Village she had imagined it getting stuck in there--had imagined it with nightmarish clarity--but it came out smoothly.

  "Move back from the door. If you try to shut it, I'll shoot you."

  "You won't," Norville said. She didn't move back, but she didn't shut the door, either. "Are you crazy?"

  "Get inside."

  Norville was wearing a big blue housecoat, and when Tess saw the front of it rise precipitously, she raised the gun. "If you even start to yell, I'll shoot. You better believe me, bitch, because I'm not even close to kidding."

  Norville's large bosom deflated. Her lips were drawn back from her teeth and her eyes were shifting from side to side in their sockets. She didn't look like a librarian now, and she didn't look jovial and welcoming. To Tess she looked like a rat caught outside its hole.

  "If you fire that gun, the whole neighborhood will hear."

  Tess doubted that, but didn't argue. "It won't matter to you, because you'll be dead. Get inside. If you behave yourself and answer my questions, you might still be alive tomorrow morning."

  Norville backed up, and Tess came in through the open door with the gun held stiffly out in front of her. As soon as she closed the door--she did it with her foot--Norville stopped moving. She was standing by the little table with the catalogues on it.

  "No grabbing, no throwing," Tess said, and saw by the twitch of the other woman's mouth that grabbing and throwing had indeed been in Ramona's mind. "I can read you like a book. Why else would I be here? Keep backing up. All the way down to the living room. I just love the Trapp Family when they're really rocking."

  "You're crazy," Ramona said, but she began to back up again. She was wearing shoes. Even in her housecoat she was wearing big ugly shoes. Men's laceups. "I have no idea what you're doing here, but--"

  "Don't bullshit me, Mommy. Don't you dare. It was all on your face when you opened the door. Every bit of it. You thought I was dead, didn't you?"