Transgressions Read online

  "—Did this. And then I—" She held up an arm, exposing another scarred wrist above the fur cuff of the coat sleeve. "—did this. I was so . . . angry." She let her arm drop. "I don't know why I'm telling you this.

  But Dr. Gosden says 'Don't keep the bad things hidden, Valerie.' And you are a friend of John's. I would never want him to think poorly of me, as my mother used to say. Skip my mother. I never talk about her.

  Would you let John know I'm okay now? The anger is gone. I'll be just fine, no matter what Goz thinks."

  She lifted her face to the darkened sky, snowflakes spangling her veil. She swallowed nervously. "Do you have the time, Peter?"

  "Ten to five." He stamped his feet; his toes were freezing.

  "Gates close at five in winter. We'd better go."

  "Valerie, when did Silkie pose for Ransome?”

  "Oh, that was over with a year ago. I've never been jealous of her."

  "Has Silkie had any accidents you know of?”

  "No," Valerie said, sounding mildly perplexed. "But I told you, obsessing about John John John all the time has her in a state What I think, she's just having a hard time getting over him, so she makes up stuff about how he wants to hurt her. When it's the other way around. Goz would say she's having neurotic displacements. Anyway, she uses different names and doesn't have a home of her own. Picks up guys and stays with them a couple of nights, week at the most, then moves on."

  "Then you don't know how I can get hold of her."

  "Well—she left me a phone number. If I ever needed her, she said." Valerie turned the key in the ignition and the engine rumbled. She looked back at Peter. "I can try to find the number for you later." Her usually somber tone had lightened. "Why don't you come by, say, nine o'clock?"

  "Where?"

  "415 West Churchill. I'm in 6-A. I know I must seem old to you, Peter. Sometimes I feel—ancient. Like I'm living a whole lot of lives at the same time. Skip that. Truth is I'm only twenty-seven! You probably wouldn't have guessed. I'm not coming on to you or anything, but I could make dinner for us. Would you like that?"

  "Very much. Thank you, Valerie."

  "Call me Val, why don't you?" she said, and drove off.

  Echo was rosy-fresh from a long hot soak, sitting at the foot of her bed with her hair bound up, frowning at the laptop computer she couldn't get to work. She looked up at a knock on her door; she was clearing her throat to speak when the door opened and John Ransome looked in.

  "Oh, Mary Catherine. I'm sorry—"

  "No, it's okay. I was about to get dressed. John, there's something wrong with my laptop, it isn't working at all."

  He shook his head. "Wish I could help. I'm barely computer literate; I've never even looked inside one of those things. There's a computer in my office you're welcome to use."

  "Thank you."

  He was closing the door when she said, "John?"

  'Yes?"

  "It's going well for you, isn't it? Your painting. You know, you looked happy today— well, most of the time."

  "Did I?" he smiled, almost reluctant to confirm this. "All I know is, the hours go by so quickly in good company. And the work— yes, I am pleased. I don't feel tired tonight. How about you? Posing doesn't seem to tire or bore you."

  "Because I always have something interesting to think about or tell you. 1 try not to talk too much. I'm not tired either but I'm starving."

  "Then I'll see you downstairs." But he didn't leave or look away from her. He'd had his own bath. He wore corduroys and a thick sweater with a shawl collar. He had a glass of wine in his left hand. "Mary Catherine, I was thinking—but this really isn't the time, I'm intruding."

  "What is it, John? You can come in, it's okay."

  He smiled and opened the door wider. But he stayed in the doorway, drank some wine, looked fondly at her.

  "I've been thinking of trying something new, for me. Painting you contrapposto, nothing else on the canvas, no background."

  She nodded thoughtfully.

  "Old dog, new tricks," he said with a shrug, still smiling.

  'You'd want me to pose nude, then.''

  "Yes. Unless you have strong reservations. I'd understand. It's just an idea."

  "But I think it's a good idea," she said quickly. 'You know I'm in favor of whatever makes the work go more easily, inspires you. That's why I'm here."

  'You don't have to decide impetuously," he cautioned. "There's plenty of time--"

  Echo nodded again. "I'm fine with it, John. Believe me."

  After a few moments she rose slowly from the bed, her lips lightly compressed, with a certain inwardness that distanced her from Ransome. She slowly and with pleasure let down her hair, arms held high, glistening by lamplight. She gave her abundant dark mane a full shakeout, then stared at the floor for a few seconds longer before turning away from him as she undid the towel.

  Ransome's face was impassive as he stared at Echo, his creative eye absorbing motion, light, shadow, coloring, contour. In that part of his mind removed from her subtle eroticism there was a great cold weight of ocean, the tolling waves.

  Having folded the towel and lain it on the counterpane, Echo was still, seeming not to breathe, a hand outstretched as if she were a nymph reaching toward her reflection on the surface of a pool.

  When at last she faced him she was easeful in her beauty, strong in her trust of herself, her purpose, her value. Proud of what they were creating together.

  "Will you excuse me now, John?" she said.

  TWELVE

  When Valerie finished dressing for her anticipated dinner date with Peter O'Neill, having selected a clingy rose cocktail dress she'd almost forgotten was in her closet and a veil from her drawerful of veils to match, she returned to the apartment kitchen to check on how dinner was coming along. They were having gingered braised pork with apple and winter squash kebabs. She'd marinated the pork and other ingredients for two hours. The skewers were ready to grill as soon as Peter arrived. There was a bowl of tossed salad in the refrigerator. For dessert—now what had she planned for dessert? Oh, yes. Lemon-mint frappes.

  But as soon as she walked into the small neat kitchen Valerie saw that the glass dish on the counter was empty and clean. No pork cubes marinating in garlic, orange juice, allspice, and olive oil. The unused metal skewers were to the left of the dish. The recipe book lay open.

  She stared blankly at the untouched glass dish. Her scarred lips were pursed beneath her veil. She felt something let go in her mind and build momentum swiftly, like a roller-coaster on the downside of a bell curve with a 360-degree loop just ahead. She heard herself scream childishly on a distant day of fun and apprehension.

  But I—

  "There's nothing in the refrigerator either," she heard her mother say. "Just a carton of scummy old milk."

  The roller-coaster plummeted into a pit of darkness. Valerie turned. Her mother was leaning in the kitchen doorway. The familiar sneer. Ida had compromised the ardor of numerous men (including Valerie's daddy), methodically breaking them on the wheel of her scorn. Now her once-lush body sagged; her potent beauty had turned, glistering like the scales of a dead fish.

  "Hopeless. You're just hopeless, Valerie."

  Valerie swallowed hurt feelings, knowing it was pointless to try to defend herself. She closed her eyes.

  The thunder of the roller-coaster had reached her heart. When she looked up again her mother was still hanging around with her wicked lip and punishing sarcasm. Giving it to little Val for possessing the beauty Ida had lost forever. Valerie could go deaf when she absolutely needed to. Now should she take a peek into the refrigerator? But she knew her mother had been right. Good intentions aside, Val accepted that she'd drifted off somewhere when she was supposed to be preparing a feast.

  Okay, embarrassing. Skip all that.

  Valerie returned to the dining nook where the table was set, the wine decanted, candles lit. Beautiful. At least she'd done that right. She was thirsty. She thought it would be ok
ay if she had a glass of wine before John arrived.

  No, wait—could he really be coming to see her after all this time? She glanced fear fully at her veiled reflection in the dark of the window behind the table. Then she picked up the carafe in both hands and managed to pour a glass nearly full without spilling a drop. As she drank the roller-coaster stopped its jolting spree, swooping from brains to heart and back again.

  Her mother said, 'You can't be in an more pageants if you're going to wet your self onstage. We're all fed up, just fed up and disgusted with you, Val."

  Valerie looked guiltily at the carpet be tween her feet where she was dripping urine The roller-coaster gave a start-up lurch, pitching her sideways. And she wasn't securely locked in this time. She felt panic.

  Her mother said, "For once have the guts to take what's coming to you."

  Valerie said, "You're an evil bitch and I've always hated you."

  Her mother said, "Fuck that. You hate yourself."

  No use arguing with her when Ida was in high dander and fine acidic fettle. When she was death by a thousand tiny cuts.

  Valerie felt the slow, heavy, ratcheting up of the coaster toward the pinnacle that no longer seemed unobtainable to her. Her throat had swelled nearly closed from unshed tears.

  She set her glass down and filled it again. Walked a little unsteadily with the motion of the roller-coaster inside her providing impetus through the furnished apartment that was bizarrely decorated with old putrid flowers she picked up for nickels and dimes at the wholesale market. She unlocked the door and walked out, leaving the door standing open.

  When the elevator came she wasn't at all surprised to see John Ransome inside.

  "Where're you going?" he asked her. "To the top this time?"

  "Of course."

  He pushed the button for the twentieth floor. Valerie sipped her wine and stared at him. He looked the same. The smile that went down like cream and had you purring in no time. But that was then.

  'You did love me, didn't you?" she asked timidly, barely hearing herself for the racket the roller-coaster was making, all the screaming souls aboard.

  "Don't make me deal with that now," he said, a hint of vexation souring his smile.

  Valerie pushed the veil she'd been holding away from her face to the crown of her head, where it became tangled in her hair.

  'You were always an insensitive selfish son of a bitch."

  "Good for you, Valerie," her mother said. Coming from Ida it was like a benediction.

  John Ransome acknowledged her human failings and with a ghostly nod forgave her.

  "I believe this is your floor."

  Valerie got off the elevator, kicked her shoes from her feet (no good for walking on walls) and proceeded to the steel door that led to the roof of her building. There she quailed.

  "Isn't anyone coming with me?" she said.

  When she turned around she saw that the elevator was empty, the doors silently closing.

  Oh, well, Valerie thought. Skip it.

  Peter arrived at 415 West Churchill thirty seconds behind the fire department—a pumper truck and a paramedic bus—which had passed him on the way. Two police cars were just pulling up from different directions. Two couples with dogs on leashes were looking up at the roof of the high-rise building. The doorman apparently had just finished throwing up in shrubbery.

  The night was windless. Snow fell straight down, thick as a theatre scrim. The dogs were agitated in the presence of death. The body lay on the walk about twenty feet outside the canopy at the building's entrance.

  Red dress contrasting with an icy, broken-off wing of an arborvitae. Pete knew who it was, had to be, before he got out of the car.

  He checked his watch automatically. Eight minutes to nine o'clock. His stomach churned from shock and rage as he walked across the street and stepped over a low snowbank, shield in hand.

  One of the cops was taking a tarp and body bag out of the trunk of his unit. The other one was talking to the severely shaken doorman.

  "She just missed me." He looked at the front of his coat as if afraid of finding traces of spattered gore.

  "Hit that tree first and bounced." He looked around, face white as snails. "Aw Jesus."

  "Any idea who she is?"

  "Well, the veil. She always wore veils, you know, she was in an accident, went headfirst through the windshield. Valerie Angelus. Used to be a model. Big-time, I mean."

  Peter kneeled beside Valerie's body, lying all wrong in its heaped brokenness. Twenty-one stories including the roof, a minimum of two hundred twenty feet. Her blood black on the recently cleared walk, absorbing snowflakes. The cop put his light on Valerie's head for a few seconds; fortunately not much of her face was showing. Peter told him to turn the flashlight off. He crossed himself and stood.

  "Want I should check the roof?" the uniform asked him. "Before CSI gets here?"

  Pete nodded. He was a couple of states outside of his jurisdiction and still on autopilot, trying to deal with another dead end of a long-running tragedy.

  The paramedics had come over. Peter didn't want to explain his presence or interest in Valerie to the detectives who would be showing up along with CSI. Time to go.

  When Peter turned away he saw a familiar face through the fall of snow. She was about a hundred feet away. She had stepped out on the driver's side of a Cadillac Escalade that was idling at an intersection. He knew her, but he couldn't place her.

  She was tall, a black woman, well-dressed. Even at that distance an expression of horror was vivid on her face. He wondered how long she'd been there. He stared at her, but nothing clicked right away.

  Nevertheless he began walking briskly toward the woman.

  His interest startled her. She slipped back into the Escalade.

  Glimpsing her from a different angle, he remembered. She had been John Ransome's model before Echo. And as far as he could tell, although the snow obscured his vision, there was nothing wrong with her face.

  Then she had to be Silkie, Valerie's friend. Who, Valerie had claimed, was afraid—very afraid—of John Ransome.

  He began running toward the Escalade, shield in hand. But Silkie, after staring at him for a couple of moments through the windshield, looked back and threw the SUV into reverse. Hell-bent to get out of there. As if the shock of Valerie's death had been replaced by fear of being detained by cops and questioned.

  Of all the Ransome women, she just might be the one who could help him nail John Ransome's ass. Pete ran. She couldn't drive backwards forever, even though she was pulling away from him.

  At the next intersection she swerved around a car that had jammed on its brakes and slid to the curb.

  Obviously the Escalade was in four-wheel drive; no handling problems. She straightened out the SUV and gunned it. But Peter got a break as the headlights of the car she had nearly ran up on the sidewalk shone on the license plate. Long enough for him to pick up most of the plate number. He stopped running and watched the SUV disappear down a divided street. He took out his ballpoint pen and jotted down the number of the Escalade. Missing a digit, probably, but that wouldn't be a problem.

  He had Silkie. Unless, of course, the SUV was stolen.

  The wind was high. Echo dreamed uneasily. She was naked in the cottage in Bedford. Going from room to room, desperate to talk to Peter. He wasn't there. None of the phones she tried were working. Forget about e-mail; her laptop was still down.

  John Ransome was calling her. Angry that she'd left him before she finished posing. But she didn't want to be with him. His studio was filled with ugly birds. She'd never liked birds since a pigeon pecked her once while she was sitting on a bench at the Central Park Zoo. These were all black, like the Woman in Black. They screeched at her from their perches in the cage John had put her in. He painted her from outside the cage, using a long brush with a sable tip that stroked over her body like waves. She wasn't afraid of these waves, but she felt guilty because she liked it so much, trembling at the on
set of that great rogue wave that was rolling erotically through her body. She tried to twist and turn away from the insidious strokes of his brush.

  "No! What are you trying to do to us? You're not going anywhere!"

  Echo sat straight up in bed, breathing hard at the crest of her sex dream. Then she sagged to one side, weak from vertigo. All but helpless. Her mouth and throat were dry. She lay quietly for a minute or so until her heartbeat subsided and strength crept back into her hands. Her reading lamp was on. She'd fallen asleep while reading Villette.

  The wind outside moaned and that shutter was loose again. When she moved her body beneath the covers she could tell her sap had been running at the climax of her dream. She sighed and yawned, still spikey with nerves, turned to reach for a bottle of water on the night table and discovered John Ransome standing in the doorway of her bedroom.

  He was unsteady on his feet, head nodding a little, eyes glass. Dead drunk, she thought, with a jolt of fear.

  "John—"

  His lips moved but he didn't make a sound.

  “You can't be here," she said. "Please go away."

  He leaned against the jamb momentarily, then walked as if he were wearing dungeon irons toward the bed.

  "No, John," she said. Prepared to fight him off.

  He gestured as if waving away her objection. "Couldn't stop her," he mumbled. "Hit me. Gone. This is—"

  Three feet from Echo he lost what little control he had of his body, pitched forward to the bed, held onto the comforter for a few moments, eyes rolling up meekly in his head; then he slowly crumpled to the floor.

  Echo jumped off the bed to kneel beside him. She saw the swelling lump as large as her fist through the hair on the left side of his head. There was a little blood—in his hair, sprinkled on his shirt collar. Not a gusher. She didn't mind the sight of blood but she knew she might have lost it if he was critically injured.

  Didn't look so bad on the outside but the fragile brain had taken a beating. That was her biggest worry.

  There was no doctor on the island. Three men and a woman were certified as EMTs, but Echo didn't know who they were or where they lived.